William Wu Personal Blog

Over the weekend, I visited Reno, Nevada for a quick family trip and picked up a book from a local author G. Brian Benson.  Brian wrote his book Brian’s List (http://www.brianslistbook.com/) that presents 26 ½ easy to use ideas on how to live a fun, balanced, and healthy life!  The list is long, but nonetheless a good reminder to help bring peace and balance back to life for most people.  The opening quotes of each chapter are good references which I summarized below.

From Brian’s List

“Be who you are and what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.” – Dr. Seuss

1. Take a moment for yourself
   “Do not lose your inward peace for anything whatsoever, even if your whole world seems upset.” – Saint Francis de Sales
2. Have an open mind
   “The real act of discovery consists not in finding new lands, but in seeing with new eyes.” – Marcel Proust
3. Clean house
   “Cleanliness is next to Godliness,” – John Wesley
4. Make amends
   “The way we communicate with others and with ourselves ultimately determines the quality of our lives.” – Anthony Robbins
   “To err is human, to forgive is divine.” – Alexander Pope
5. Drink more water
   “To understand water is to understand the cosmos, the marvels of nature and life itself.” – Masaru Emoto
6. Give thanks
   “Of all the attitudes that we can acquire, surely the attitude of gratitude is by far the most important and by far the most life-changing.” – Zig Ziglar
7. Go for a walk
   “In every walk with nature, one receives for more than he seeks.” – John Muir
8. Listen to music
   “Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent.” – Victor Hugo
9. Clear out any unwanted or unused items
   “It’s easier traveling the road of life when I don’t have so much to carry on my back.” – Silas Weir Mitchell
10. Read a book
    “A library is a hospital for the mind.” – Anonymous
11. Watch an inspirational show or movie
    “Only as high as I reach can I grow,
    only as far as I seek can I go,
    only as deep as I look can I see,
    only as much as I dream can I be.” – Karen Rayn
12. Treat yourself with respect
    “Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think.” – Benjamin Disraeli
13. Get more sleep
    “Sleep is the golden chain that ties health and our bodies together.” – Thomas Dekker
14. Go exercise
    “We don’t stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing.” – George Bernard Shaw
15. Write down your thoughts
    “Worry is like a rocking chair – it gives you something to do but won’t get you anywhere.” – Unknown Author
16. Hang out with positive people
    “Where there are friends, there is wealth.” – Titus Muccius Plautus
17. Set a goal and follow through with  it
    “In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins, not through strength but by perseverance.” – H. Jackson Brown
18. Try something new, take a chance
    “Our deepest fears are like dragons, guardig our deepest treasure.” – Rainer Maria Rilke
19. Give
    “If you want happiness for an hour, take a nap.
    If you want happiness for a day, go fishing.
    If you want happiness for a year, inherit a fortune.
    If you want happiness for a lifetime, help somebody.” – Chinese Proverb
20. Meditate
    “Seek truth in meditation, not in moldy books.  Look in the sky to find the moon, not in the pond.” – Persian Proverb
21. Listen to your heart
    “One sees clearly only with the heart.  Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery
22. Do what you love
    “There’s no scarcity of opportunity to make a living at what you love.  There is only scarcity of resolve to make it happen.” – Dr. Wayne Dyer
23. Live in the moment – be present
    “If you surrender completely to the moment as they pass, you live more richly those moments.” – Anne Morrow Lindbergh
    “Time consists of both future and past, neither of which can ever be in the now.  The past holds memory, is emotionally based, and is dominated by the emotion labeled guilt.  The future holds imagination, is also emotionally based, and is dominated by the emotion labeled fear.  The loving essence of your true spirit is spaceless and timless presence.” – The Breakthrough Experience, John Demartini
24. Eat better, eat less
    “You must begin to think of yourself as the person you want to be.” – David Viscott
25. Leave 10 minutes early
    “A first rate organizer is never in a hurry.  He is never late.  He always keeps up his sleeve a margin for the unexpected.” – Arnold Bennett
26. Laugh
    “Laughter is instant sunshine.” – G. Brian Benson
    “The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.” – E. E. Cummings.

26.5. Other ideas… this is up to your imagination…

Brian’s List concluded, “We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.”  - Ray Bradbury

It is difficult to have a balanced life all the time and, after all, a true life is about balancing and not about balanced (see my blog on improvisation).  Balancing life involves personal choices (see my blog on work life balance vs. choice).  For me, Dalai Lama’s Instructions for Life  is always a good reminder in addition to the following:

• Excellence is a habit.
• Life is a journey.  The journey is the reward.
• Be zen, the shortest distance between 2 points is not necessarily a straight line.
• Be disciplined and focused, the ability to speed depends on the ability to stop.

What about yours?

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It is Thanksgiving break - a few days to eat, reflect and be thankful. 

I am thankful for what life has given me so far.  I will always be thankful to my parents, my wife, my business partner and a few of my long-time close friends.  They helped shape who I am and how I view the world.  They provided needed boosts when I was down and they cheered for me when I hit my stride.   I owe to my brother and sister for their caring and connections.  I am also grateful that I have had many great teachers and mentors at school and work.  They taught me the knowledge and skills needed to survive and to perform my best.  And I owe many people whom I can’t even remember who have touched my life and provided great help when I needed it.

There is a Chinese saying, “Those who know how to be content with what they have are the ones with lasting happiness.”  In other words, the secret of happiness really lies on how you perceive your world. 

In the book, If Life is a Game, These are the Rules, author Dr. Cherie Carter-Scott suggests a few ways to cultivate gratitude that certainly apply here:

• “Imagine what your life would be like if you lost all that you had.  Like George Bailey in the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life”, this will most surely remind you of how much you do appreciate it.”
• “Make a list each day of all that you are grateful for, so that you can stay conscious daily of your blessings.  Do this especially when you are felling as though you have nothing to feel grateful for. Or spend a few minutes before you go to sleep giving thanks for all that you have.”
• “Spend time offering assistance to those who are less fortunate than you, so that you may gain perspective.”
• “Look for the gift in each challenging incident.”

One of the chapters in the book has a nice summary: “However you choose to learn gratitude is irrelevant.  What really matters are that you create a space in your consciousness for appreciation for all that you have right now, so that you may live more joyously in your present moment.”

As an Estonian Proverb puts it, “Who does not thank for little will not thank for much.”  Charles E. Jefferson also said, “Gratitude is born in hearts that take time to count up past mercies.”  In our desire of owning more and achieving more, we tend to forget what we already own.  

The bottom line is, count our blessings!

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I have been a fan of Tao Te Ching (道德經, roughly translates to “How Things Work” in English) by the ancient Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu (老子, 600 B.C.). The idea of Yin and Yang makes intuitive sense, but at the same time the logics are often paradoxical and leave room for imagination. We smile and pause when we hear phrases like “less is more”, “living is dying”, “hating is loving” for the same reason: they are somewhat paradoxical but meaningful. A well-known Chinese saying that describes 3 stages of knowledge discovery as “See a mountain as a mountain; see a mountain not as a mountain; see a mountain as a mountain again (見山是山, 見山不是山,見山又是山).”

1. See a mountain as a mountain. This is our ability to see something as it is.  Most of the time we think we understand what we see, but we may not.  Essentially, we don’t know what we don’t know.
2. See a mountain not as a mountain. This is our ability to recognize that our understandings could easily be the misunderstandings and to appreciate something from multiple facets and not just at a superficial level.  
3. See a mountain as a mountain again. This is our ability to appreciate something as it is but also to understand its core spirit and the fundamental forces that make it so. Most of the Zen masters’ teachings are to encourage this phase of self-discovery.  Your perception creates your world.

To become a better leader often means to go through these 3 phases in order to learn and understand our relationships to those around us.  Experienced leaders are those who are already in the 2nd phase; they have the ability to adapt to situations that are often not as binary as they initially appear. 

Many leadership self-help books are built on the concept of Tao, and these books could be a good learning tool for young leaders who are interested in seeing leadership from a different viewpoint. One example of such a book is The Tao of Leadership, by psychologist John Heider. 

Another book that really opened my eyes to re-examine and reflect my own understanding of leadership is Management of the Absurd – Paradoxes in Leadership, a wonderful book by Richard Farson.

This book is nicely written in 33 chapters, each of which describes a leadership paradox.  Thought-provoking and incredibly insightful, it explains the paradoxes of communication, the politics of management, and the dilemmas of change exploring relationships within organizations.  It offers a unique perspective on the challenges leaders face.  All of the ideas presented by Mr. Farson have to do with grasping the difference between solving problems (a bad thing) and embracing predicaments and paradoxes (a good thing).

Some of the paradoxes presented in the book are easily accepted as leadership wisdom:

• The opposite of a profound truth is also true.
• Listening is more difficult than talking.
• The best resource for the solution of any problem is the person or group that presents the problem.
• In management, to be a professional, one must be an amateur
• Every great strength is a great weakness
• The more we communicate, the less we communicate

Then there are some insightful paradoxes, though not as obvious as previous ones:

• We want for ourselves not what we are missing, but more of what we already have. 
• There are no leaders, there is only leadership.
• Nothing is as invisible as the obvious
• Big changes are easier to make than small ones
• Individuals are almost indestructible, but organizations are very fragile.
• Leaders cannot be trained, but they can be educated.
• We think we invent technology, but technology also invents us.
• Every act is a political act.

Then there are paradoxes that really need a bit of reflection even after reading the book.  Some may even reject the following paradoxes:

• Planning is an ineffective way to bring about change
• People we think need changing are pretty good the way they are
• Most problems that people have are not problems
• Technology creates the opposite of its intended purpose
• Organizations that need help most will benefit from it least
• The better things are the worse they feel
• We think we want creativity or change, but we really don’t.
• Morale is unrelated to productivity
• Lost cause are the only ones worth fighting for

To me, these paradoxes push us to have a higher level of understanding of contradictions from the human nature in order to become more effective in leadership. They teach us that effective leaders are not necessarily in control all the time as most problems aren’t problems – they are predicaments. As one of the paradoxes by Mr. Farson points out, “the more experienced the managers, the more they trust simple intuition.” Good leadership is as much about being as about doing and therefore follows Lao Tzu’s timeless principles on the art of effective leadership:

 “Softness triumphs over hardness,
   feebleness over strength.
  What is more malleable is always
  superior over that which is immoveable.
  This is the principle of controlling things by going along with them,
  of mastery through adaptation.”
  - Lao Tzu

The final phase of self-discovery is also echoed in Mr. Farson’s notion that “the more important a relationship, the less skill matters.” This contradicts most things that we have ever heard in business school and training courses. As Mr. Farson says, “we have come to regard the job of manager as essentially the acquisition of techniques we call ‘management skills… But looking at the relationships that mean the most to us, do we really want skills from our friends and lovers? Not at all. …The people that we care most about are not expert in their relationship to us. After all, we would not want ‘expert friends’. …There are no ‘friendship skills.’ Nor would we want expert husbands, or wives, or lovers, or parents.” And, “Think of the difference between seduction and romance. Technique is required for the former but is useless in the latter. …If you know how to have a romance, it isn’t a romance, but a seduction. Not knowing how to do it makes it a romance.”

Hence comes the ultimate phase of knowledge discovery as revealed by Mr. Farson:

• Once you find a management technique that works, give it up
• Everything we try works, and nothing works

Confused enough? You should be.  Learning is a lot about unlearning and re-learning.  To quote Mr. Farson’s final paradox in the book, “My advice is - don’t take my advice.”

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It is a human nature to want to be heard, to share our thoughts, and to relate our own experience with others. But ask yourself:

• How many times that your friend described to you his/her experience and you were more than eager to jump in to tell him/her your own stories and more?
• How many times that someone casually mentioned to you a matter of his concern and only to get a handful of advices that he or she may not be seeking for?
• How many times when you were talking and you found others rolled their eyes and lost interest long before you finished?
• How many times that people wanted a simple answer and you gave them a long-winged answer with a lot of details that they didn’t care?
• How many times your colleague casually asked how you were doing and only to get back more than what they probably were looking to hear or having time to listen?
• How many times that you kicked yourself off saying too much that you later regretted?
• How many times that you wished your friend or employee didn’t give away your secret because you thought it is supposed to be a “secret”?
• How many times that your sales person tried too hard to sell your “product/service” that they actually forgot to give your perspective customers a chance to talk about what they really care and want?

All of the above happened all too often from my own experience which got me to think about the downside of becoming a person that talks too much.

• People think you are boring.  Even though you may be a super creative, idea generating guy, but the fact that you are talking too much probably make you less interesting. There are very few people that I know who don’t become more interesting when they stop talking. 
• People think you probably have a big ego.  Sigh, but most of the time a truth - excessive talkers tend to have big egos. 
• You are risking to be viewed as “shallow”.  Like the little frog that thinks he knows it all from the bottom of his little well in the famous Chinese story:

The Frog in the Well

Once upon a time, Little Frog lived at the bottom of a deep well.  Little Frog had water to drink when he was thirsty and insects to eat when he was hungry.  When he was tired, he was able to lie down on his back and look up at the sky that was high up above the opening to the well.

Little Frog had never spent a moment of his life outside of the well.  Still he was happy with his life, except for one thing.  He was lonely and wanted someone to play with.

Whenever an animal would come to the well to drink, Little Frog would call to the top of the well, “Hello!  Would you like to come down and play with me?  I have food and water, and a nice place to live.  It doesn’t get any better than this.”

But the other animals would say, “Thanks, Little Frog.  But we like it out here.  The world is much bigger and much nicer out here than down in the well.” 

But, Little Frog would say, “Nothing can be better than this!”

Birds would come down into the well to drink and Little Frog would ask them to play.  “You should come outside and play with us,” the birds would tell him.  The world is much bigger and much nicer out here than down in the well.” 

But, Little Frog would not believe them.  “Nothing can be as nice as my home,” Little Frog would say.

After hearing Little Frog say the same thing over and over, most of the birds and animals quit talking to him.  Little Frog could not understand why.  But, mainly he could not understand why nobody wanted to come to stay where he lived.

One day, a small Sparrow came again to drink at the well.  Sparrow and asked Little Frog to fly out with her into the big world outside.  The world is much bigger and much nicer out here than down in the well.” 

Little Frog said, “Why do you lie to me?  Nothing could be better than where I live!”  Sparrow became angry and flew away.

Still, Sparrow came back again and again to drink at the well.  Each time Little Frog invited Sparrow to stay and play with him.  Each time, Sparrow tried to tell Little Frog about the big world outside the well.  Each time, Sparrow flew away.

Then one day, Sparrow flew into the well.  But, instead of talking, Sparrow picked up Little Frog and flew back out of the well taking Little Frog with her.  At first Little Frog could hardly see because of the bright sunshine outside the well.  Then, he opened his eyes and saw the world around him from high in the air.

Little Frog was surprised by how much bigger the world was then he had ever believed before.  Little Frog began to realize how tiny his well was. “Thank you, Sparrow.  I am grateful for what you have shown me.  I apologize for not believing you.  Please let me down here,” he said.

Sparrow set Little Frog down next to a great big beautiful pond and said, “I am sorry for taking you out of your home without your permission.  I will take you back if you wish.”  Without answering, Little Frog jumped into the grass and saw many beautiful flowers of different colors.  He had never seen such beautiful flowers and had never smelled such nice scents.  The outside world is so big, so wonderful, and beautiful!”  The Little Frog finally cried out happily and jumped into the pond.

Sparrow came back later and asked, “Little Frog! How do you like the world outside your well?”

Little Frog said, “It is big and beautiful!  Thank you very much. If you had not brought me out to see this world, I would never have known that there are such beautiful things that exist outside my well.”

Little Frog never tried to go back to his old well again.

The ones that really know typically are not boasting or talking too much.  They are humble and they know there are always more to learn from others.

• People may not think you are trustworthy.  They know you may not have the discipline to keep a tight lip of important secrets.  As the U.S. government world war II slogan, “Loose Lips Sink Ship!”  Those who talk more uncontrolably are more likely prone to say something wrong by accident.

Great leaders know the talking pitfall and work hard to do the opposite – that is, active listening. They know that communicating to others is less about speaking than about listening.  Like the American Journalist P.J. O’Rourke said, “One thing talk can’t accomplish is communication.  This is because everybody’s talking too much to pay attention to what anyone is saying.” They internalize and practice the wisdom from others:

• “Brevity is the soul of wit.”  – William Shakespeare
  “Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much.” – Robert Greenleaf, from Servant Leadership.
• “When you have nothing to say, say nothing.”  – Charles Caleb Colton, British clergy man & writer.
• “I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.” – Tom Lehrer, American Singer, Songwriter, Mathematician
• If you don’t say anything you won’t be called on to repeat it. – Calvin Coolidge, U.S. president
• “Talking and eloquence are not the same: to speak, and to speak well, are two things.  A fool may talk, but a wise man speaks.” – Ben Jonson, English playwright and poet.
• “It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.” – Mark Twain
• “Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.” - Unknown 
• “After all is said and done, more is said than done. “ – Unknown
• “The reward for always listening when you’d rather be talking is wisdom.”  – Unknown
• “Make a habit of dominating the listening and let the customer dominate the talking.” – Brian Tracy, well-known business leadership book author

For most of us, talking right and talking light are actually one of the most difficult skills to master on the road to become as an effective leader.  However, it is a skill that can be learned by starting to pay more attention to listen to others.  Remember, your ears never get you in trouble!

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One of the books that I personally enjoyed tremendously is “The FIVE Temptations of a C.E.O.” by Patrick Lencioni. 

This is a provocative fable leadership story that depicts the challenge and inspiration of overcoming the five deceptively simple barriers to successful leadership.  The story introduces a struggling CEO, Andrew O’Brien, who meets a wise old janitor of BART train, Charlie. Via intensive and often combative exchanges, the two debate fundamental issues faced by all leaders – issues involving personal integrity and effectiveness in the ongoing struggle for success.  The 5 temptations revealed by Charlie to Andrew are real challenges that test a leader’s character:

• Temptation 1: Choosing to preserve one’s own ego/career ahead of results.
• Temptation 2: Choosing popularity and camaraderie with their direct reports over holding them accountable for delivering on the commitments that drive results.
• Temptation 3: Choosing certainty over clarity by focusing too much on the need for precision and correctness that cause decisions to be postponed or deliverables to be vague.
• Temptation 4: Choosing group harmony over productive conflict.  Harmony sometimes restricts productive ideological conflict and, therefore, decisions are often suboptimal without all perspectives out on the table.
• Temptation 5: Choosing invulnerability over trust.  Executives mistakenly believe that allowing their direct reports to challenge them too comfortably can lead to the credibility loss.

New York Times had a recent article on C.E.O. Characteristics by David Brooks that echoed the concepts above:

“…warm, flexible, team-oriented and empathetic people are less likely to thrive as C.E.O.’s. Organized, dogged, anal-retentive and slightly boring people are more likely to thrive.

These results are consistent with a lot of work that’s been done over the past few decades. In 2001, Jim Collins published a best-selling study called ‘Good to Great.’ He found that the best C.E.O.’s were not the flamboyant visionaries. They were humble, self-effacing, diligent and resolute souls who found one thing they were really good at and did it over and over again.

That same year Murray Barrick, Michael Mount and Timothy Judge surveyed a century’s worth of research into business leadership. They, too, found that extroversion, agreeableness and openness to new experience did not correlate well with C.E.O. success. Instead, what mattered was emotional stability and, most of all, conscientiousness — which means being dependable, making plans and following through on them.

All this work is a reminder that, while it’s important to be a sensitive, well-rounded person for the sake of your inner fulfillment, the market doesn’t really care. The market wants you to fill an organizational role.”

Character is an exhibition of the inner principles that we follow.  As General Omar Nelson Bradley from the U.S. Army said, “We need to learn to set our course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship.”  We need to hold ourselves responsible for a higher standard than anybody expect of us.  This is the only way a true leader develops his or her integrity and inner principles. Following Albert Einstein’s advice, “Try not to become men of success.  Rather become men of value.”

Dwight D. Eisenhower also told us, “The men that can do things are going to be sought out just as surely as the sun rises in the morning. Fake reputations, habits of glib and cleaver speech and glittering surface performance are going to be discovered and kicked overboard.”

In the end, most of us have succumbed to one or more of these ‘temptations’. By understanding of these temptations that creep into our character weakness will help us avoid the embarrassment or setback that we try so hard to avoid in our career.  Use the following key messages from Mr. Lencioni’s book as a constant reminder:

• Make results the most important measure of personal success, or step down from the job.
• Work for the long-term respect of your direct reports, not for their affection. View them as key employees who must deliver on their commitments.
• Make clarity more important than accuracy and not afraid of risk being wrong. If the decisions made in the spirit of creating more clarity turn out to be wrong when more information become available, change plans and explain why. Do not afraid of the loss of personal pride at the expense of paralyzing the business.
• Tolerate discord and encourage people to air their ideological differences, and with passion.  View tumultuous meetings as signs of progress but guard against personal attacks that stifle important interchanges of ideas.
• Best executives get results by putting their weaknesses on the table and invite people to help them minimize those weaknesses.

Horace Greeley puts a perfect conclusion here,

“Fame is a vapour,
Popularity an accident
Riches take wings
Those who cheer today
Will curse tomorrow
Only one thing endures:
Character”

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I have enjoyed the daily free Leadership newsletter (www.smartbrief.com/leadership/) from SmartBrief and will highly recommend to anyone interested in developing better personal leadership to subsribe to.  Today the newsletter’s SmartQuote section has a nice quote on humility from the U.S. Present Barack Obama, “We exercise our leadership best when we … show some element of humility and when we recognize we may not always have the best answer but we can always encourage the best answer.”

Confucius told his followers, “Humility is the solid foundation of all the virtues.”  Cornel West also said, “Humility means two things. One, a capacity for self-criticism… The second feature is allowing others to shine, affirming others, empowering and enabling others.  Those who lack humility are dogmatic and egotistical.  That masks a deep sense of insecurity. They fell the success of others is at the expense of their own fame and glory.”

One book by Hal Urban titled Choices That Change Live has a great chapter describing humility in an elegant way that I decided to copy the quotes directly from his book to share with you:

4 Things Humble People Won’t Do

- Humble people don’t think they know everything. 

• “It wasn’t until quite late in my life that I discovered how easy it is to say “I don’t know.” – Somerset Maugham

- Humble people don’t think they are always right.

• “Pride is concerned who is right.  Humanity is concerned what is right.” – Ezra Taft Benson
• “Nobody stands taller than those willing to stand corrected.” – William Safire

- Humble people don’t brag.

• “What kills a skunk is the publicity it gives itself.” – Abraham Lincoln
• “When someone signs his praises, he always gets the tune too high.” – Mary H. Waldrip.

- Humble people don’t judge others.

• “I look only to the good qualities of men.  Not being faultless myself, I won’t presume to probe into the faults of others.” – Mahatma Gandhi
• “Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.  Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? – Matthew 7:1-3.

4 Things Humble People Consistently Do

- Humble people treat others with respect.

• “Humility and respect go hand in hand.” – Paul H. Borisoff
• Treat other people exactly as you would like to be treated by them.” – Matthew 7:12

- Humble people are thankful.

• “Prideful people never have enough.  Humble people appreciate what they have.” – Jean Dreyfus
• “It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy.” – Charles Spurgeon

-Humble people are genuine.

• “Pride makes us artificial and humility makes us real.” – Thomas Merton
• “I have three precious things which I hold fast and prize.  The first is gentleness; the second is frugality; the third is humility, which keeps me from putting myself before others.” – Lao-Tzu

-Humble people want to learn and become better.

• “Humility is an approach to life that says “I don’t have all the answers and I want your contributions.” – John Baldoni
• “Being prepared to set aside old notions and be taught by life is learning humility.” – Michael McGinnis

In short, “Life is a lesson in humility.  Be humble… or be humbled.”  Smart leaders know this well and you can, too.

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Wall Street Journal had a good article recently titled “Why Good Manager Make Bad Decisions?” by Erin White.  I re-summarized the 4 reasons that Ms. White mentioned in her article:

1. Over rely on experience could be dangerous.  We sometimes overstate experience and situation may not exactly fit our experience.  We may be liable to rely on our experience in a way that’s just not going to be that helpful.
2. Self-interest. Most people don’t realize self-interest operates at a subconscious level. We’re not even aware of how self-interested we are. 
3. Prejudgments. Smart leaders could be vulnerable to prejudgment; that is, they decided on something early on and stuck to it no matter what.
4. Attachment. Attachments to people or places or business that we like or have spent great effort building up could make a decision difficult.  This is particularly true when it comes to downsize or selling off business.

Motivated by our self-interest is what propels everyone to wake up in the morning and get going. However, we have seen too many leaders blinded by their self-interest that they forget what is morally right. These are particularly amplified by the recent excessive executive pays and bonuses in the corrupted financial/banking industries that we saw in the news headlines.   It reminds me of the following Chinese story:

“Many, many years ago there was a man of the land of Ch’I who had a great passion for gold.  One day at the crack of dawn he went to the market-straight to the gold dealers’ stalls, where he snatched some gold and ran away.  The market guards soon caught him.  ‘With so many people around, how did you expect to get away with it?’ a guard asked.

‘When I took it,’ he replied, ‘I saw only the gold, not the people.’”

Ms. White concluded: “People need to recognize that we are biased in every single situation. There’s no such thing as objectivity…. (Therefore, smart leaders) need to walk into an important decision situation saying, ‘Ok, I know that we are potentially biased in a variety of ways. Let’s try to identify what those are.’”

Take a moment to think about it next time:

• Would you want your employees or associates to see you as someone that put your interest ahead of them?
• Do you think they will want to work with you again if you make them feel so? 

The answers are very obviously ‘No!’  As Carl W. Buechner put it, “They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.”

William Shakespeare told us, “There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”  Mark Twain said, “We do not deal much in facts when we are contemplating ourselves.” 

This brings up a somber, but true fact.  The person that you most need the power to influence and control is you.

Dr. Phil in his Life Strategies book offers this observation:

“The person whose negative characteristics and behavior patterns you most need the power to minimize or eliminate and whose positive characteristics and behavior patterns you most need to maximize, is you.  Whether the characteristics is depression, insecurity, anger, apathy, loneliness, or any of a number of other possible characteristics, you are the one who will have to minimize or eliminate it.  Doing so will require knowledge.  It takes knowledge about how you developed that negative characteristic, why you persist with it, and, more importantly, how to replace it with more positive, constructive characteristics.”

One of the articles in Seth Godin’s book The Big Moo lists the Three Rules of Life (and Everything Else) which I took some liberty to morph into the following:

1. Your Attitude Is Your Life.  Our attitude changes our life and the lives of those around us.  Hold yourself to a higher standard. Believe that you want to do to other people just like what you want them to do to you.
2. Maximize Your Options. When we lock ourselves into one possibility of how things must be done, our businesses, our lives and the lives of those around us get stuck.  Therefore in all things, big and small, open yourself to the possible options.  Then trust yourself to choose the right one for the moment.
3. Finally, Don’t Let the Seeds Stop You From Enjoying the Watermelon. Doing what is right could be tough, but the reward is going to outweigh any personal sacrifices.

Everyone approaches every situation with at least some concern about “what’s in for me?” This is normal.  To ignore this human nature is unrealistic and even wrong, but choosing the right decision becomes easier if you are aware of how experience, self-interest, prejudgments and attachments are in play.  Take advantage of your personal motivation and take control of it. At the end, you will feel great of what you have done!

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Just recovered from my new year break and feel recharged to face whatever challenges in 2009. 

Here is a short Zen story to start my rambling for the new year:

“A rich man asked a Zen master to write something down that could encourage the prosperity of his family for years to come.  It would be something that the family could cherish for generations.  On a large piece of paper, the master wrote, “Father dies, son dies, grandson dies.”

The rich man became angry when he saw the master’s work.  “I asked you to write something down that could bring happiness and prosperity to my family.  Why do you give me something depressing like this?”

“If your son should die before you, “ the master answered, “this would bring unbearable grief to your family.  If your grandson should die before your son, this also would bring great sorrow.  If your family , generation after generation, disappears in the order I have described, it will be the natural course of life.  This is true happiness and prosperity.”

This story tells us that sometimes the best thing is to allow things to happen in its natural course.  The law of harvest tells us to plant a seed in spring; to water, weed and fertile it during summer so we can harvest it in the fall.  With this state in mind, here come a few thoughts on personal leadership for starting a new year. 

• Count your blessing. The famous Japanese proverb says, “He is poor who does not feel content.” Lao-Tzu says the same, “He who is content is rich.” It is easy for us to forget how much we own at a tough time and the grass always feels greener on the other side.  But the reality is that we own a lot more than we sometimes realize.  Think about it.  The fact that you are reading this blog means that you have access to internet and information that most people in the world won’t even have the choice having.  Suffering is a state of mind and it is all relative.  Be satisfied with what you own is often the best counter to the present world where relentless pursuit of more becomes the society norm.  Inventory what you have gotten and be willing to make the best use of them.  
• Be willing to let go.  “The only way to make yourself indispensable is to make yourself dispensable.” As pointed out by Dr. John Maxwell in The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership: “A weak leader worries that if he helps subordinates, he will become dispensable,  But the truth is that the only way to make yourself indispensable is to make yourself dispensable.” Take the principle behind Bruce Lee’s Tao of Jeet Kune Do, “Empty your cup so that it may be filled; become devoid to gain totality.”
• Be true to yourself.  To quote Edward R. Murrow, “To be persuasive, we must be believable. To be believable, we must be credible. To be credible, we must be truthful.“  Steve Jobs in his widely circulated speech to Standford University graduates: “Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. You somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.”
• Invest and believe in yourself.  Who you are dictates what you see, so get to know yourself better and then bring your unique strengths out, the things you like doing and are good at, to bear on the work in hand. You need to build on your strengths that strengthen others. Personal leadership is all about have a clear vision of where you want to be and have discipline to take meaningful actions to realize the vision. As a Japanese proverb put it, “Vision without action is a daydream.  Action without vision is a nightmare.”  A Buddhist proverb also tells us, “You, youself, must make the effort.  The buddhas are only teachers.”
• Seize the moment.  “The Precious Present” by Spencer Johnson, one of the popular books, uses a simple story to teach people how precious the present moment is.  Mark Twain once said, “I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.” So make the best out of every situation and you can find beauty everywhere around you. Understand the Chinese saying, “When you have only two pennies left, buy a loaf of bread with one and a lily with the other.” To seize the moment is to practice what Bill Fitzpatrick, a Shaolin master, describes in his book 100 Action Principles of the Shaolin,
   “If you feel happy, smile.
  If you feel daring, act.
  If you receive good service, compliment.
  If you feel energetic, do something positive.
  If you know a good joke, tell it.
  If you feel generous, give.
  If you are interested in getting wealthy, save and invest.
  If someone needs help, leann them your strong hands or soft voices.
  If you give your word, keep it.
  If you can say something nice, say it.
  If you can stand up for the weak, do it.”

One of the best things that a new year has given us is new hopes.  The new hopes that things will improve and all the hard work in the past will pay off and all the dots will somehow be connected to form the best roadmap ahead. As you kick into the high gear to ramp up for this year, remember to allow the natural order to happen in its course.  Perhaps Lao-Tzu’s words can be used as a reminder:

“Softness triumphs over hardness. 
Feebleness over strength. 
What is more malleable is always superior over that which is immoveable. 
This is the principle of controlling things by going along with them, of mastery through adaptation.”

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“Don’t tell your problems to people: eighty percent don’t care; and the other twenty percent are glad you have them.”  - Lou Holtz

There is always something you can do about any problem; even it if is just changing your perspective on how you feel about the problem.   There is an African proverb that is being widely quoted, “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.”  This is such a powerful paradigm shift in dealing with any problem thrown at us in work and in life.  Too often, we engage in a blaming game or power struggle with others that we assume problems are only caused by other people.  We therefore feel victimized and spend more time and energy going around problems than fixing them. 

The truth is that we create our own experiences; we are responsible for our thoughts and actions. When a problem occurs, we can choose how we respond to it.  Dr. Stephen Covey, author of the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People told us this very concept, “As long as you think the problem is out there, that very thought is the problem.” Putting blames on someone else rarely fixes the problem since it puts the responsibility to fix it on others. This creates a tension of power struggling as often time in unsuccessful marriages or as finger pointing games as in many dysfunctional organizations. 

Owning the problem puts you in control so you are no longer a victim. Study what happened to create the problem and learn from your mistakes, correct it and move on. For every problem, if you believe it is possible to solve it, tremendous things can happen to the believer.

How do you focus your energy on solutions instead of problems?  Perhaps the following list that I found from the web can help:

Ten Ways to Worry Less and Accomplish More
Author unknown (however, this list is widely referenced on the web)

1. Don’t think of problems as difficulties. Think of them as opportunities for action.
2. After you’ve done your best to deal with a situation, avoid speculating about the outcome. Forget it and go onto the next thing.
3. Keep busy. Keep the 24 hours of your day filled with these three ingredients: work, recreation, and sleep. Don’t allow yourself time for abstract thinking.
4. Don’t concern yourself with things you can’t do anything about. Armchair generals don’t win battles, but they do have nervous breakdowns.
5. For the time being anyway, eliminate daydreaming completely. Stop building air castles.
6. Don’t procrastinate. Putting off an unpleasant task until tomorrow simply gives you more time for your imagination to make a mountain out a possible molehill. More time for anxiety to sap your self-confidence. Do it now, brother, do it now.
7. Don’t pour woes and anxieties to other people. You don’t want their sympathy - it’ll merely make it easy for you to feel sorrier for yourself.
8. Get up as soon as you wake up. If you lie in bed, you may use up as much nervous energy living your day in advance as you would in actual accomplishment of the day’s work. 
9. Try to arrange your schedule so that you will not have to hurry. Hurry, a blood brother to worry, helps shatter poise and self-confidence, and contributes to fear and anxiety.
10. If a project seems too big, break it up into simple steps of action. Then negotiate those steps-link rungs in a ladder…one at a time. And don’t allow yourself to think about the difficulties of step number two until you’ve executed step number one.

What if after all means are tried and you simply can’t find a good resolution.  Perhaps then we can all learn from this Tibetan proverb, “If a problem has a solution there is no need to worry about it. If there is no answer for the problem, worry will do no good.”

Smart executives and successful entrepreneurs are those who suggest solutions when they present the problems. You can do the same! So next time when a situation arises, try to think

“Am I part of the problem or am I part of the solution?” 

Perhaps the reflection will focus your energy on turning a problem into a great opportunity.

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Consider these famous people they have in common:

• Woodrow Wilson had a learning disability but still served as the president of the U.S. from 1913 to 1921.
• Francisco Goya, the celebrated Spanish painter, became permanently deaf at age 45 but went on to create some of his most powerful work.
• Albert Einstein is heralded as a scientific genius in spite of rumours that he suffered from a learning disability.
• Ludwig van Beethoven, the famous composer, had become deaf by the time he creaed his magnificent Ninth Symphony.
• Walt Disney was fired by a newspaper for lacking ideas.  He also went bankrupt several times before he built Disneyland.
• Steve Jobs was fired from Apple, the company that he co-founded. He described that experience the best lesson to mature him as a leader and enabled him to be able to take Apple to a much higher degree of success today. 
• After Fred Astaire’s first screen test, a 1933 memo from the MGM testing director said, “Can’t act.  Slightly bald.  Can dance a little.” Astaire kept that memo over the fireplace in his Beverly Hills home.
• A relatively unsuccessful marketer of restaurant equipment, Ray Kroc didn’t sell his first hamburger until age 52.  At a time when many people prepare for retirement, Kroc built McDonald’s from a handful of hamburger stands into the world’s largest food chain.
• J. K. Rollin was on beneift for 18 months when she wrote her manuscripts on Harry Potter and received more than a year worth of rejection letters from countless publishers until Bloomsbury agreed to publish her little wizard book.

Facing adversity is NOT pleasant, but there is a positive side of it.  Several great quotes on this:

• “There is no education like adversity.” – Benjamin Disraeli
• “Out of clutter, find the simplicity.
  From discord, find harmony.
  In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity.”  - Albert Einstein
• “Your present circumstances don’t determine where you can go; they merely determine where you strat.” – Nido Qubein, Business Consultant, Motivational Speaker
• “Adversity puts people in touch with themselves.” – Rose Lane
• “I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career.
  I’ve lost almost 300 games.
  Twenty-six times I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed.
  I’ve failed over and over and over in my life and that is why I succeed.” – Michael Jordan

Recently I ran into a story that illustrates how Mahtma Gandhi taught us a lesson on how to put our struggles into perspective.  The story goes like this:

As Gandhi was boarding a train, one of his shoes slipped off and fell on the track below.  Since the train was already moving forward, he was unable to retrieve it.  To the amazement of his companions, he took off his other shoe and trew it back on the track close to the other one.  When a fellow passerger asked why he did so, Gandhi smiled and said, “The poor man who finds the shoe laying on the track will now have a pair he can use.”

The spirit of Zen also shows us a way when it tells us:

“The past is already past.
Don’t try to regain it.
The present does not stay.
Don’t try to touch it.
From moment to memont.
The future has not come;
Don’t think about it
Before hand.
Whatever comes to the eye.
Leave it be.
There are no commandments
To be kep;
There is no filth to be cleansed.
With empty mind really
Penetrated, the dharmas
Have no life.
When you can be like this,
You’ve completed
The ultimate attainment.” – Layman P’ang

Perhaps a Japanese Zen saying summarizes this best: “The world is like a mirrow, you see? Smile, and your friends smile back.”

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