William Wu Personal Blog

It is a human nature to want to be heard, to share our thoughts, and to relate our own experience with others. But ask yourself:

• How many times that your friend described to you his/her experience and you were more than eager to jump in to tell him/her your own stories and more?
• How many times that someone casually mentioned to you a matter of his concern and only to get a handful of advices that he or she may not be seeking for?
• How many times when you were talking and you found others rolled their eyes and lost interest long before you finished?
• How many times that people wanted a simple answer and you gave them a long-winged answer with a lot of details that they didn’t care?
• How many times your colleague casually asked how you were doing and only to get back more than what they probably were looking to hear or having time to listen?
• How many times that you kicked yourself off saying too much that you later regretted?
• How many times that you wished your friend or employee didn’t give away your secret because you thought it is supposed to be a “secret”?
• How many times that your sales person tried too hard to sell your “product/service” that they actually forgot to give your perspective customers a chance to talk about what they really care and want?

All of the above happened all too often from my own experience which got me to think about the downside of becoming a person that talks too much.

• People think you are boring.  Even though you may be a super creative, idea generating guy, but the fact that you are talking too much probably make you less interesting. There are very few people that I know who don’t become more interesting when they stop talking. 
• People think you probably have a big ego.  Sigh, but most of the time a truth - excessive talkers tend to have big egos. 
• You are risking to be viewed as “shallow”.  Like the little frog that thinks he knows it all from the bottom of his little well in the famous Chinese story:

The Frog in the Well

Once upon a time, Little Frog lived at the bottom of a deep well.  Little Frog had water to drink when he was thirsty and insects to eat when he was hungry.  When he was tired, he was able to lie down on his back and look up at the sky that was high up above the opening to the well.

Little Frog had never spent a moment of his life outside of the well.  Still he was happy with his life, except for one thing.  He was lonely and wanted someone to play with.

Whenever an animal would come to the well to drink, Little Frog would call to the top of the well, “Hello!  Would you like to come down and play with me?  I have food and water, and a nice place to live.  It doesn’t get any better than this.”

But the other animals would say, “Thanks, Little Frog.  But we like it out here.  The world is much bigger and much nicer out here than down in the well.” 

But, Little Frog would say, “Nothing can be better than this!”

Birds would come down into the well to drink and Little Frog would ask them to play.  “You should come outside and play with us,” the birds would tell him.  The world is much bigger and much nicer out here than down in the well.” 

But, Little Frog would not believe them.  “Nothing can be as nice as my home,” Little Frog would say.

After hearing Little Frog say the same thing over and over, most of the birds and animals quit talking to him.  Little Frog could not understand why.  But, mainly he could not understand why nobody wanted to come to stay where he lived.

One day, a small Sparrow came again to drink at the well.  Sparrow and asked Little Frog to fly out with her into the big world outside.  The world is much bigger and much nicer out here than down in the well.” 

Little Frog said, “Why do you lie to me?  Nothing could be better than where I live!”  Sparrow became angry and flew away.

Still, Sparrow came back again and again to drink at the well.  Each time Little Frog invited Sparrow to stay and play with him.  Each time, Sparrow tried to tell Little Frog about the big world outside the well.  Each time, Sparrow flew away.

Then one day, Sparrow flew into the well.  But, instead of talking, Sparrow picked up Little Frog and flew back out of the well taking Little Frog with her.  At first Little Frog could hardly see because of the bright sunshine outside the well.  Then, he opened his eyes and saw the world around him from high in the air.

Little Frog was surprised by how much bigger the world was then he had ever believed before.  Little Frog began to realize how tiny his well was. “Thank you, Sparrow.  I am grateful for what you have shown me.  I apologize for not believing you.  Please let me down here,” he said.

Sparrow set Little Frog down next to a great big beautiful pond and said, “I am sorry for taking you out of your home without your permission.  I will take you back if you wish.”  Without answering, Little Frog jumped into the grass and saw many beautiful flowers of different colors.  He had never seen such beautiful flowers and had never smelled such nice scents.  The outside world is so big, so wonderful, and beautiful!”  The Little Frog finally cried out happily and jumped into the pond.

Sparrow came back later and asked, “Little Frog! How do you like the world outside your well?”

Little Frog said, “It is big and beautiful!  Thank you very much. If you had not brought me out to see this world, I would never have known that there are such beautiful things that exist outside my well.”

Little Frog never tried to go back to his old well again.

The ones that really know typically are not boasting or talking too much.  They are humble and they know there are always more to learn from others.

• People may not think you are trustworthy.  They know you may not have the discipline to keep a tight lip of important secrets.  As the U.S. government world war II slogan, “Loose Lips Sink Ship!”  Those who talk more uncontrolably are more likely prone to say something wrong by accident.

Great leaders know the talking pitfall and work hard to do the opposite – that is, active listening. They know that communicating to others is less about speaking than about listening.  Like the American Journalist P.J. O’Rourke said, “One thing talk can’t accomplish is communication.  This is because everybody’s talking too much to pay attention to what anyone is saying.” They internalize and practice the wisdom from others:

• “Brevity is the soul of wit.”  – William Shakespeare
  “Many attempts to communicate are nullified by saying too much.” – Robert Greenleaf, from Servant Leadership.
• “When you have nothing to say, say nothing.”  – Charles Caleb Colton, British clergy man & writer.
• “I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.” – Tom Lehrer, American Singer, Songwriter, Mathematician
• If you don’t say anything you won’t be called on to repeat it. – Calvin Coolidge, U.S. president
• “Talking and eloquence are not the same: to speak, and to speak well, are two things.  A fool may talk, but a wise man speaks.” – Ben Jonson, English playwright and poet.
• “It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.” – Mark Twain
• “Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.” - Unknown 
• “After all is said and done, more is said than done. “ – Unknown
• “The reward for always listening when you’d rather be talking is wisdom.”  – Unknown
• “Make a habit of dominating the listening and let the customer dominate the talking.” – Brian Tracy, well-known business leadership book author

For most of us, talking right and talking light are actually one of the most difficult skills to master on the road to become as an effective leader.  However, it is a skill that can be learned by starting to pay more attention to listen to others.  Remember, your ears never get you in trouble!